In this two-part series we talk about the importance of the sibling relationship. Here, in Part One we focus on describing the sibling bond, it’s joys and challenges, and what themes may arise in therapy. In Part Two we will look at the work of Prophecy Coles on the sibling relationship.

Sibling relationships can be among the most complex and enduring connections in a person’s life. In therapy, addressing these dynamics can be crucial for personal growth and emotional well-being.

Understanding how siblings interact can provide insight into familial roles, individual identities, and patterns that may impact other relationships.

Learn more about this topic in our online CPD workshop: Siblings: same parents, different experience? with Victoria Settle and Sarah Pennock on Friday 22nd November 2024, 10am – 4pm. 

Let’s talk about siblings

One of the primary benefits of sibling relationships is the emotional support they provide. Growing up alongside siblings often means sharing both joyous moments and challenging times. This shared experience fosters a deep sense of companionship. Whether celebrating milestones or navigating life’s difficulties, siblings can serve as confidants, offering a unique understanding of each other’s experiences.

Research has shown that strong sibling bonds can lead to increased emotional resilience. Siblings often provide a safe space for expressing feelings and discussing problems, helping each other develop coping mechanisms. This emotional support can be particularly vital during adolescence, a period marked by identity exploration and self-discovery. Siblings often act as sounding boards, helping one another navigate the complexities of growing up.

Sibling relationships are also instrumental in developing social skills. Interacting with siblings teaches essential communication and conflict resolution skills. Children learn to negotiate, share, and compromise—skills that are invaluable in adulthood. These early interactions serve as a training ground for future relationships, providing a foundation for empathy, cooperation, and understanding.

Unlike many other relationships, sibling bonds can last a lifetime. While friendships may ebb and flow and romantic relationships may come and go, siblings often remain a constant presence throughout life. This long-lasting connection can provide a unique sense of belonging and continuity, grounding individuals in their family history and shared experiences.

There are many positive experiences that go with growing up in a sibling group, and there are also many challenges. It is when those challenges become deeply wounding or when they leave a life-long impression that impacts negatively upon an individual that someone may come to therapy to try to understand more. 

For some the impact of siblings is obvious, but for many the importance and the impact of the sibling dynamic is not well-noticed or understood. As therapists we may be more interested in someone’s relationship with their parents, and not pay enough attention to siblings!

We can think of sibling relationships in the following three ways:

1. Rivalry and Competition

Sibling rivalry can manifest in various ways, from academic achievements to parental favouritism. When clients come to therapy, they be searching to understand their place in their family of origin and how these competitive dynamics affect their self-worth and relationships.

2. Identity Formation

Siblings often play a significant role in shaping each other’s identities. The roles they adopt—such as the caretaker, the rebel, or the peacemaker—can have lasting effects. Therapy can help people to explore the role they played in their family and whether their adopted role is a help or a hindrance to them. 

3. Attachment Styles

Our early interactions with siblings can influence our attachment style, and as a result can have a impact on our adult relationships. Even the apparent accident of birth order can profoundly influence a person’s attachment style, if we consider how a parent’s attention and warmth may change depending on the ages and demands of existing children when a new baby comes into the family.

Understanding these dynamics in therapy can help people understand their patterns of behaviour and their emotional responses.

There are several themes that come to therapy, that we can usefully explore by being curious about our client’s relationship with their siblings. Or even to wonder what it is like for client’s who have no siblings, or who have siblings that are missing, or distant, or who have died (either as adults or children). 

Comparisons between siblings is very common and feeling overshadowed by a sibling’s achievements can lead to insecurity. Sibling relationships can be influenced by parenting styles and dynamics, especially if a parent showed favouritism to one child in the family above the others.

Sibling relationships can be a rich tapestry of shared history, emotions, and dynamics that can profoundly influence personal development and the type of relationships that feel possible to us as adults. They have the potential to offer so much and can also be marked by conflict and emotional pain. With more understanding of the dynamics between siblings, individuals can better navigate their familial ties and sibling bonds. Embracing the complexity and depth of sibling relationships can help us appreciate the unique role they play in shaping who we are and how we relate to the world around us.

In Part Two we will look at the pioneering work of Prophecy Coles on the sibling relationship. 

Upcoming Workshop with Victoria Settle and Sarah Pennock

Want to explore more? Join us for our upcoming workshop – Learn more about this topic in our online CPD workshop: Siblings: same parents, different experience? with Victoria Settle and Sarah Pennock on Friday 22nd November 2024, 10am – 4pm. 

In this presentation our trainers will guide us through some relevant theories and clinical considerations when we are working with someone who brings their sibling relationship to therapy.