If you’re interested in this topic and want to find out more, you might like to see the on-demand CPD videos we have on this same subject. You can see our video library on this topic over on our sister site Therapy Education Online (ThEO).

Therapists and counsellors often encounter clients struggling with the impact of emotionally immature or narcissistic parents. While there is some overlap between emotionally immature parents and narcissistic parents, they have distinct differences that are important to recognize.

This blog post includes a breakdown of the key differences and we hope you find it useful.

If you want to learn more about the topic of Narcissistic Parents then join our upcoming CPD: Narcissism and Working with the Children of Narcissists with Professor Julia Buckroyd on Friday 28th March 2025, 10am – 4pm.

Parents play a crucial role in shaping a child’s emotional and psychological well-being. However, when a parent is emotionally immature or has narcissistic tendencies, it can lead to profound challenges for their children.

While both types of parents may struggle with emotional depth and self-awareness, there are key differences in their behaviors and impact on their children. Understanding these differences can help therapists and counsellors support clients in their healing journey.

Emotional Capacity & Self-Awareness

Emotionally immature parents lack emotional depth and self-awareness. They struggle to understand or regulate their own emotions and may seem overwhelmed, avoidant, or detached rather than intentionally harmful. Their emotional responses are often childlike, making it difficult for them to provide consistent support to their children.

In contrast, narcissistic parents have a grandiose or fragile self-image that they protect at all costs. They are highly self-centered and lack genuine self-reflection. Rather than merely avoiding emotions, they often manipulate situations to maintain control and uphold their self-perception of superiority.

Relationship with the Child

Emotionally immature parents may love their child but struggle to form deep, emotionally attuned connections.  Their emotional inconsistency means they often see their child as an extension of themselves but without strong manipulative intent.

This can lead to confusion and frustration for the child, who may seek but not receive stable emotional support.

Narcissistic parents, on the other hand, use their child to fulfill their own needs, such as admiration, control, or validation. They often fail to recognize their child as a separate individual with their own emotions and desires. This dynamic can lead to the child feeling objectified or valued only when they serve a specific purpose in the parent’s life.

Emotional Responsiveness

While emotionally immature parents can be affectionate, their support is often inconsistent. They may dismiss emotions they find uncomfortable or react with avoidance rather than aggression. Their lack of responsiveness is usually due to their own emotional limitations rather than a deliberate attempt to harm their child.

Narcissistic parents tend to invalidate, gaslight, or emotionally exploit their child. They may react with rage or punishment if the child challenges their authority or perception of themselves. This creates an environment where the child feels unsafe expressing their emotions or asserting their needs.

Conflict & Criticism

Emotionally immature parents often withdraw, become defensive, or shut down when faced with conflict. They struggle to take responsibility for their actions but may not be intentionally manipulative. Instead, their avoidance of conflict stems from their emotional immaturity and inability to handle complex emotions.

Narcissistic parents, however, respond to conflict with blame-shifting, rage, or playing the victim. They struggle to tolerate any criticism and may seek revenge or long-term control over those who challenge them. Their inability to accept fault can leave their children feeling unheard and emotionally isolated.

Impact on the Child

Children of emotionally immature parents often feel unseen, emotionally neglected, or like they had to grow up too soon. This can lead to struggles with emotional regulation and self-worth, as they may have lacked consistent validation and support from their caregivers.

On the other hand, children of narcissistic parents may experience deep emotional wounds from gaslighting, manipulation, or excessive criticism. This can result in chronic self-doubt, perfectionism, or difficulty trusting others. Many of these children grow up feeling they must constantly prove their worth to gain love and approval.

Final Thoughts

While both emotionally immature and narcissistic parents can create challenging family dynamics, the primary difference lies in intent. Emotionally immature parents struggle due to their own emotional limitations, while narcissistic parents act with self-serving intent, often at the expense of their child’s well-being.

Understanding these distinctions can help therapists and counsellors tailor their approach to support clients in healing from their past and fostering healthier relationships in adulthood.

Upcoming Workshop with Professor Julia Buckroyd

Want to explore more? Join us for our upcoming workshop – Learn more about this topic in our online CPD workshop: Narcissism and Working with the Children of Narcissists with Professor Julia Buckroyd on Friday 28th March 2025, 10am – 4pm.

In this presentation our trainer open up an exploration of narcissism and the impact it has on those raised by parents with narcissists tendencies.

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