This blog features a brand new article written Sarah Van Gogh who is running our next CPD training in March 2025. The article gathers theory, real stories and therapeutic exploration about males who have survived sexual violation in their lives.

Sarah is also the author of Helping Male Survivors of Sexual Violation to Recover: An Integrative Approach – Stories from Therapy (2018) also featured below.

Learn more about this topic in our online CPD workshop: *Effective Therapy with Adult Male Survivors of Sexual Violation*with Sarah Van Gogh on Monday 10th March, 6pm – 9pm.

Sarah Van Gogh – therapist, supervisor, author and trainer will be running our next CPD training *Effective Therapy with Adult Male Survivors of Sexual Violation*

Men who have experienced sexual violation often have a kind of invisibility in the world. They are not prominent in literature about therapy, in research about sexual violation, or even generally in the public awareness. This has begun to change somewhat, recently, in the aftermath of the revelations about high-profile predatory figures in the media world and the abuse of young males in football and other sports.

But, on the whole, the idea of a man or a male child being raped, sexually abused, manipulated or used by another is still a deep taboo for many people.

If we cannot face this taboo, we are collectively failing to look into the reason behind an enormous amount of suffering and even of death.

In an article in Therapy Today, Phil Mitchell, himself a male survivor of sexual violation and a specialist clinician in this field, makes the point that ‘Of the 6,188 suicides registered in the UK in 2015, three quarters were males. It could be argued that, for some males, especially those who have been sexually exploited, death can be seen as preferable to being seen as less of a man’ (Mitchell 2017).

Sadly, even some in the caring professions continue to feel that there is something so grotesquely awful and unthinkable, so incomprehensible – or even downright unbelievable – about a man or boy being sexually hurt or objectified, that they fear they do not have what it takes to be able to work with this issue or do not wish to even attempt it.

In a systematic review of research published online in the International Journal of Mental Health Nursing, only 22 per cent of people using statutory mental health services are ever asked by mental health staff about previous experiences of abuse. Of those who were asked, women patients were far more likely to be asked than male patients (Read et al. 2017).

In the last 17 years, I have worked with a lot of male survivors, written a book about effective therapy for male survivors of abuse (‘Helping Male Survivors of Sexual Violation to Recover. Stories from Therapy‘ Jessica Kingsley 2018) and have offered plenty of CPD about the issues around boys and men being sexually abused.

Helping Male Survivors of Sexual Violation to Recover by Sarah Van Gogh outlines an integrative approach to effective therapeutic treatment of male sexual abuse.

Some of my motivation in this work is to honour the courage and the determination to heal shown by the many men I have accompanied in their therapeutic work in past years. Another reason is to encourage and embolden anyone in the helping professions, who thinks they might not have the capacity or skill to support this client group. My hope is that reading my book or attending one of my talks/workshops will help colleagues trust that they certainly can be of use to male survivors of sexual abuse, whenever they offer a combination of warmth and rigorous thinking within the context of a respectful relationship.

A common theme, in all male survivor stories – no matter what the age, education, income, sexuality or family background of the individual coming for support – is that they carry a burden to do with the deeply held belief that a male should be strong and tough.

Even when this belief is not held consciously, even when it is vigorously rejected on a conscious level, its roots still go deep both within many individuals and within our collective. So, in a culture where boys and men cannot help but take on board certain fundamental messages about males needing to embody strength, power, and being in control, when they have not been able to embody those qualities, (e.g. when they have experienced sexual abuse) they are left with deep feelings of grief, anger and, most crucially, shame.

The good news is that there is plenty of healing balm for this toxic shame when a male survivor is able to speak about his abuse and feel understood and supported about an experience that has left him feeling so wretched and alone.

Individual therapy, as well as other sources of emotional and psychological support, such as compassionate friends and/or a partner, and being part of an accepting group or team, can all provide opportunities for a vital dissolving of this core shame. It seems a simple thing when put like this.

But there are still relatively few opportunities for men and boys to feel helped explicitly with being a survivor, in this way. There are still far too many men and boys staring into an abyss of feeling that they are alone and fatally flawed for having once been helpless and vulnerable when they were abused.

Building up our own confidence as practitioners, and our capacity to think about men and boys being sexually abused and be willing to offer our support as therapists to this client group, is part of what helps individuals and our whole society to acknowledge, attend to, and promote much-needed healing with this issue.

Upcoming Workshop with xx

Want to explore more? Learn more about this topic in our online CPD workshop: *Effective Therapy with Adult Male Survivors of Sexual Violation*with Sarah Van Gogh on Monday 10th March, 6pm – 9pm.

In this presentation our trainer will guide us through an exploration of key aspects of working with adult male survivors of sexual abuse.

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